Sunday, May 29, 2011

Meanderings of my Multidimensional Experience

Last weekend, I had another opportunity to bring multidimensional consciousness to people attending my workshop in Springfield, IL.  I noticed something had changed in me.  As I was going over my notes that morning, instead of feeling slightly overwhelmed about the task before me, which has historically been my experience before I present a workshop, I was feeling excited because I had access to a group of people who really wanted to learn about and experience their 9D self.  Did this mean I was fully connected to my ka?  And that I was no longer stuck in any 4D polarity about getting out into the world?  And if so, what had I done to make this happen? 


While most of my life flows well and is amazingly filled with ease and grace,  getting my work out to a larger audience has been an ongoing challenge for me.  From the time I published my first book, Journey to Wholeness, I suddenly developed fear about public speaking.  Prior to that, it was easy for me to speak before groups, but putting that book out, with its potential to propel me into a bigger professional world, left me suddenly anxious about giving even small presentations.  That was 15 years ago.  


Because of that fear, I was pushed to look more deeply into other lifetime experiences and found that my soul had gone through a lot of trauma from speaking spiritual truth.  I worked very hard at healing this, and while it got considerably better, it wasn't until this past January, when I was able to see my struggle from a multidimensional perspective and realize I was getting caught in 4D duality, that I finally was able to get free.  And it wasn't until I was doing that last bit of preparation last Sunday morning that I realized this had been fully successful.


I remembered a  defining moment when I was preparing for my January multidimensional workshop.  I read over my notes on teaching people that any bit of drama in their lives was a sign they were not navigating 4D effectively.  At the same time, I realized I was feeling some anxiousness about presenting the workshop, and that this was a form of drama,  and therefore a sign I was caught in 4D.  


I'm very committed to walking my talk.  This intent has brought me profound gifts throughout my life since as a healer and teacher, I have to be very astute about identifying and transforming my own issues.  I've learned to recognize what is going on for me pretty quickly and to do whatever I have in my power to do to heal them.  I believe this has saved me from a huge amount of suffering.  So when the 4D awareness hit me, I immediately went inside and looked at the polarity I was stuck in around giving public presentations.  It went something like this:


People will love what I have to say and I will become famous and that will be scary because what if I can't muster the energy, what if I have to sacrifice my personal life to carry this out, what if I have to deal with people projecting all sorts of nonsense onto me and always wanting a piece of me?
OR 
People will hate what I had to say and reject me and say that my teachings are ridiculous or redundant or evil, and who did I think I am anyway?


I took a few deep centering breaths, went inward and did a mini-version of the exercise I was planning to present that afternoon.  First I let myself feel the fear of getting overwhelmed and messing with my very balanced life by everyone wanting a piece of me, projecting on me, etc, and got a good sense of how this felt.  Then I went into the feeling of being rejected and looked down upon, and just let myself experience this.  Finally, I imagined becoming totally spacious and connected to my ka, and from this state of being, invited both of those parts within myself, holding a loving container as I embraced them.  Magically, I could feel the shift.  


As I said above, I have been working in numerous ways for 15 years to bring about that change.  I have  worked diligently to heal the experience of other lifetimes.  I wrote another book about allowing Spirit to lead and quelling ego which I did my best to practice every day.  I pushed myself to be out in public more.  And that was all very useful.  Things improved.  But they did not totally shift until I worked from a 4D perspective.  Now I know even more strongly than before, why bringing multidimensional consciousness to the world is more important than ever.


Of course, given that the Universe has a wicked sense of humor, I came back home to our community and into a hornets' nest of drama.  I was able to do my 4D work and integrate the polarity to some degree, and I could see that ultimately this experience would be growth-producing both individually and collectively.  But oh yeah, I got sick in the process and my ka hit the road for a day or so, and okay okay... trying to be a 9D human might very well attract even more tricky challenges and I might as well keep sucking it up and... of course... keep integrating.


Hope this finds you all well and inspired on this holiday weekend.  The sun is shining here in the mountains, the birds are singing and I'm feeling very grateful to get to hang out in such 3D beauty while being presented with the ongoing lessons of multidimensional Earth school.  If you have any 4D dramas coming your way, remember you can use that integrative technique as well.... or better yet, come to my upcoming workshops.

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