I've been really focused these days on what this process of Ascension really means, as well as how to get through kindergarten and get promoted to 1st grade at Ascension Academy. As I've written before, we are at a time in our evolutionary development when we are going from being 3rd dimensional to 5th dimensional beings. Gaia, our Earth and our true mother, is doing the same. That gets more complicated for me, but one thing it tells me: We will still be Earthlings... just 5D Earthlings instead of 3D ones.
The fastest way to accelerating our frequency in order to align us with our 5D selves is to keep opening our hearts, catching our judgments of self and others, and looking deeply at, and working to transform, all other shadow issues as they arise. Transforming shadow, whether it comes as judgment or in another form, happens by observing and naming the shadow, owning the energy and sending it unconditional love. This will shift us from an egoic state into the energy of our heart. 5D is the dimension of LOVE, CREATIVITY and UNITY CONSCIOUSNESS. We cannot hold that frequency without continuously transforming our shadow and clearing our hearts blockages.
It is no surprise then, that all spiritual teachers these days seem to be upping their focus on love as well as on shadow issues that arise with our heart opening. Over the weekend, I attended a wonderful Yoga workshop offered by the lovely, deep and uplifting Laura Wolf. While I attended the workshop because I love Laura and she was back in our area for just a short time, what I had not paid much attention to until the day before, was that the theme of the workshop was about love: specifically about keeping our hearts open even when we are feeling most triggered. Okay then, who doesn't need work on this!
I've noticed in this latest spiral of our evolutionary activation, as we are being challenged to open our hearts, old emotional issues are coming back up for me and for many others in order to get resolved at a new level. As this happens we tend to get triggered more easily than usual, making Laura's theme deeply relevant to our evolutionary imperative. Remember we have to navigate through the 4th dimension in order to get to the 5th. Any unhealed wounding and any undealt with shadow, stays in our energy field and makes the higher dimensional light less accessible. I do not believe this is totally black and white. Who knows if it is even humanly possible to heal all old wounding. (Maybe I'll have that answer when I get into 2nd grade.) Most of us have returned for this incarnation as very old souls. We have multi-layered wounds which is why even after decades of work, they still arise again in one form or the other. Every time we experience an emotional wound, most of us have learned to put up walls over our hearts. We become a little less loving and/or a little more closed down. Sometimes people who have experienced traumatic abuse have been able to keep their hearts open to give love to others, but without healing they are not able to receive love from others, which is equally important.
My old wounds have resurfaced. I first began to get in touch with this about a year ago when I had just started this blog. I was writing about bringing our KA bodies in more fully, and as I was practicing this myself, I noticed a blockage in my back heart chakra. Back heart chakra blockages are old stuck feelings. And sure enough, as time went by, my mother-wounding resurfaced. At first it arose in the same old way. My mother passed away at 92 close to a decade ago. But the wounding for me was so deep, that even without her around to say something unkind or to remind me of her perception that I was a rotten daughter, I still had to process this relationship. (So far this processing has gone on for over 40 years! And I'm a diligent and effective emotional processor.) Still, my habitual strategy which had served me reasonably well, was to re experience my anger... not in a vengeful or resentful way, but in a way that honored the energy around how I had been treated. It released me from any feelings of victimization, and allowed me to energetically set boundaries so that I could honor my own essence.
What I had not fully processed though was the sadness. As a child, like all children, I deeply loved my mother, but what I realized in a new way lately, was that my inner child who was not always treated fairly, was in deep turmoil and grief because as much as she loved her mother, there were also times when she hated her. Since, there was no permission for this child to own any piece of the negative feelings, she was very confused and heart-broken. She was holding the emotional pain of her family, and as I understand now, the emotional pain of the collective. This was both hers and all of the billions of other children on the planet that feel both the depth of this pain and their powerlessness to heal it. In order to survive, this child had to begin to close her heart down. When I recently reconnected with her, I realized that while she still had some anger work that needed to be done, (and I could do this easily,) the most vital, the most important piece of work was to own and honor that excruciating grief. I was able to do both through visualization, felt the release and and knew I had made progress.
The night after the Yoga workshop, I had a very vivid dream. In writing about the dream the next day, I found, much to my surprise, that not only was I grieving for the pain in my immediate family, but that another part of my back heart chakra issue was grief from a disconnection with my extended family, and with two aunts in particular. When I broke away from my mother's expectations in my 20's in order to follow my own spiritual Path, not only did she project her judgments onto me, but she insisted that the rest of the family felt the same. Even though on some level, I knew that wasn't accurate, emotionally I unconsciously bought into this, and in effect lost my connection with my extended family as well as with my mother. Since I was far away geographically, and one of my aunts passed away shortly after this, I didn't give this disconnect much importance at the time. But in processing the dream, I found that I had deep sadness about it, and it was part of my back heart charka blockage. The tears came up suddenly and totally unexpectedly, a sure sign that my heart had opened more. I don't know that all my work is done here, but certainly I have my assignment laid out before me in a much clearer way: maybe my final kindergarten project.
AND, I also see how this works metaphorically for the greater whole. I had to be true to myself and my path. Within my own essence there was no room that allowed me to not chose growth and compromise my truth in order to be accepted. I paid a big price for this. But this is really what we all need to do: We need to be willing to lose it all to be ourselves. And we need to be willing to feel and honor the excruciating grief that may get unleashed in the process.
I'm thinking that maybe I'm getting closer to that 1st grade classroom. This awareness coupled with the experience I had last night and today, while being in a small group led by Andrew Harvey, an amazing mystic, teacher and transformer, has taught me all sorts of things about myself and about our current evolution. This will be the focus of my next blog and I'm quite sure the focus of my 1st grade curriculum. But, what I now can see more clearly than ever, is that as our 3D world dissolves, we do not have the luxury or the right to disown that 3D self. We are multi-dimensional beings and while we may be ascending into 5D, part of what is being asked of us is to heal and strenghten that 3D self as well. As the 3D we know falls apart, we must tend to its pain and wounds as we are simultaneously attending to shifting into the love frequency that will bring us all great joy.
Enough for now, my brother and sisters. But stay tuned. I have a lot more verses coming for this song.
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